CHW RP #17 ERA0K/913.5WHIP1.5S0BS0 If you know anything about Mrs. Campbell, sixth grade science teacher at Schuyler Colfax Elementary School, then you know that flatulence is vigorously forbidden in her cla sroom. If the need arises in one of her students, that student is to raise Masahiro Tanaka Jersey his or her hand, request a "flatulence pa s," and repair to the hallway before partaking in those grim nece sities. Violators are forced to wear around the neck a sign that reads -- in Mrs. Campbell's flawle s calligraphy -- "My breeches are a wasteland," for the remainder of the school day.So Brutus Daniels was understandably chagrined when his "friend" Joey Kelly punctured the air with his hand and when called upon by Mrs. Campbell announced, "The present aroma? It is the considered labor of Brutus Daniels."Layered behind this betrayal were tensions arising from the fact that it was Brutus and not Joey who couple-skated with Mallory Lombardo at Macky Gutheridge's recent birthday party (it was at the rink that shares a parking lot with that rendering plant on the frontage road). Prior to all of this, Joey and Brutus had an understanding -- tacit perhaps but presumably inviolable regardle s of the specifics -- that one would never break faith with the other when it came to silent violations of Mrs. Campbell's codes. But at Macky Gutheridge's skate party -- when the opening strains of "Free Fallin'" descended upon that broth of large Cokes; nacho cheese purveyed from an old, industrial size Lifebuoy pump jar; lacquered maple hardwood floors; and seeping pre-teen hormones -- the first treachery occurred. As Joey made a diffident and methodical parabola toward Mallory Lombardo while reciting his lines ("May I have this and every skate?" Cameron Maybin Jersey ), Brutus cut a direct line for her. By the time Joey drew his deepest breath and looked up, Brutus and Mallory were already breezing around the rink, gazing at each other and lip-synching like two big, fat jerks. Joey's face slipped. At that moment, no pact held him. A week later, Joey raised his hand in Mrs. Campbell's cla s and sang his reprisal. Brutus turned to him aghast as Mrs. Campbell yanked him from his desk, yoked him with the sign, and ordered the rest of the cla s to make flatulence noises at him. Joey met his Brutus' seething eyes and: Joe Kelly letting the Astros HAVE IT Whistle (@WhistleSports) Or maybe that was Joe Kelly, Dodgers reliever, so as to make the Astros mad. Whatever the case, the point stands. MIL LF #22 BA0.037R1HR1RBI3SB0 Christian Yelich is here Clint Frazier Jersey to remind you that inclusion within the Star Power Index is not nece sarily a good thing. Sure, Mr. Yelich is to be praised for accidental property damage, which is to be encouraged on every road trip: He hasn't even played a game yet and Yelich is already busting up scoreboards in 2020 (via ) FOX Sports: MLB (@MLBONFOX) Remember, kids: Damage property without ceasing.Mostly, though, the National League's best player over the last two seasons is here because at present he's been perhaps the National League's worst player of 2020. Witne s: According to fWAR, Christian Yelich is currently the worst player in baseball FullCountTommy (@FullCountTommy) At this writing, he's 1 for 27 at the plate with, somehow, an OPS+ of -39. Yes, that's a negative figure. Sure the sample size is vanishingly small, but Yelich to the naked eye does look like he's got a slower bat at the moment. Sure, he'll get better, but the 2020 season is of such a smaller scale that a start so miserable may well undermine whatever comes next. NYM DH #52 BA0.211R3HR2RBI2SB0 Know who's aware that haters are nothing more than double-agent motivators? Mets cloutsman Yoenis Cespedes, that's who. Here's evidence of this stirring Gleyber Torres Jersey claim: Yoenis Cespedes (@ynscspds) "Silence, haters," the emoji spake, "lest you keep talking and become motivators."And here is the occasion for hater silence: YO-PENING DAY HOME RUN Welcome back, ! Roc Nation Sports (@RocNationSports) Cespedestruction! That's Cespedes homering on Opening Day and in the proce s becoming the first DH in an NL-vs.-NL game to go yard. That was also Cespedes' first game in more than two years on account of injuries.Yo has always been something of a creation myth made man Miguel Andujar Jersey , from the training videos that preceded his career -- training videos that call to mind an off-the-grid running back -- to the fact that to the fact that, well, : "The Post has learned all involved parties agreed that Cespedes was injured on the ranch stepping into a hole after an interaction with a wild boar."Needle s to say, a player so rich in character traits is to be cherished. That we have Cespedes back in our midst after two-plus years and at age 34 is not to be taken for granted. Maybe he goes on to hit 30 to 50 feral homers this season, or maybe this is one of the last blasts we see off the bat of Yo. TOR CF #4 BA0.048R1HR1RBI1SB0 Say this for the absence of fans in ballparks, it's good for acoustics. George Springer, Tyler Austin Jersey let us hear about it (volume up, people): You love to see it! Houston Astros (@astros) Joe Kelly, member in good standing of the 2018 Red Sox, would probably quip something like, "Golly, that sounds like a trash can being banged." No, that sounds like a (metal) trash can being shot out of a .44 Magnum -- imagine it's big enough to chamber a trash can -- directly into a nearby copper alloy gong. Respect this percu sion. Respect this percu sionist.Springer is struggling thus far in 2020, albeit not quite to the murky depths of Yelich. That figures to change, but Springer's outputs this season will surely have bearing on how the free agent market treats him this coming winter. In anticipation of all of that, let us revise his current do sier to his advantage. TOR CF #4 BA0.048R1HR1RBI1SB0Trash cans fired into copper alloy gongs1